


Of Secrets, Gifts, and Festive Spirits (All I Want for Christmas)

by dark_and_spooky (JamieisClassic)



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Christmas Smut, Cunnilingus, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Parent/Child Incest, Slow Burn, Trans Male Character, Trans related angst, Vaginal Sex, Yearning, big dick, holiday fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:08:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28212930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamieisClassic/pseuds/dark_and_spooky
Summary: Anduin comes home for his recently-decided least favorite holiday and has to deal with all his feelings for his father resurfacing. Will he ruin his relationship as he struggles to contain them? Or will he get something new out of the revelation of how he truly feels?
Relationships: Anduin Wrynn/Varian Wrynn
Comments: 7
Kudos: 18
Collections: Wasn't Quite Expecting This (But I Loved It)





	1. Pulled Apart at the Seams (and it's Blue)

**Author's Note:**

> A very happy holidays to you all! This is a gift for two of my besties and I hope they like this first part, the second should be up around Christmas day.

Despite all appearances to the contrary, Anduin Wrynn hated Christmas. Perhaps it was his father’s put-on cheer and seeming obligatory good moods that felt faker than the plastic tree Taelia had shown up to Mathias’s apartment with on November 12th — reasonable for her, according to Flynn, when she normally put up the Christmas decorations as she took down the Halloween ones — perhaps it was the way the wealthy treated the so-called season of giving as an excuse to shit on the poor the rest of the year, or perhaps even it was that he still recalled hearing, as a child, his father cry in front of the fireplace because he didn’t think he could make it through the holiday without Tiffin. Whatever it was, he’d spend the four Christmases past on his college campus with international student friends who didn’t have the money to go back to their families, and even when Wrathion got a boyfriend and didn’t invite him any longer, Anduin still figured something out. 

Now he was graduated though, and while he’d moved into an apartment in the city with the collective referred to simply as “the girls” — Taelia, Tess, Vanessa and Valeera — when they lost Flynn to the neat organization and upper-floor views of Mathias’s condo, he still felt like if he was in town, it was his duty to spend the holidays with his father. He’d packed up a small bag, confirmed to Valeera that he didn’t want to come to “orphans’ Christmas” with the girls, Mathais and Flynn, was told to die in a road accident by Vanessa, wished Taelia well and passed her the presents for under Mathias’s tree, and promised he’d make Tess the most alcoholic of eggnogs when she attended the Wrynn family Christmas Eve party with her parents, then headed down to his car and psyched himself up for the drive into the suburbs. 

His father lived in the nice part of town, where houses were more than three feet apart and highrises were a scandal that made national news, and as he watched the buzzing inner-city sights near his new home fade into the demure and vaguely caustic peacefulness of suburbia, Anduin couldn’t help but grip the steering wheel tighter and feel a headache growing from how hard he clenched his jaw. He’d been avoiding this for a reason, and he wasn’t excited to see the house all dressed up for Christmas when he suspected, deep down, that Varian only did it for him. Pulling up to house as close as he could get on the street, crowded as it was, he observed the way the lights along the various edges of the gabled roof glittered, the burnished marigold front door was decorated in a genuine cedar and holly wreath and the window to his father’s office was now shining with a somewhat-tasteful snowflake light. Varian had also decorated the small pine in the front yard with tinsel and lights and a few fake presents around the base, which made Anduin all the more queasy. 

Grabbing his things from the trunk and steeling himself, he walked across the sidewalk, up the two steps and past the low gate that marked their yard, and down the simple cobblestone path to the front door. It was familiar to him, of course, but it felt strange being here again — like everything was a degree or two to the left of how he remembered and it all felt foreign now. 

Once at the door, he paused, uncertain. He could just go in, he had a key and his father had said he was always welcome, but in some ways he felt like he was somewhere he didn’t belong, and that he really ought to knock. Before he could make up his mind, however, he heard the lock flick and the door open, revealing his father, hair down and pulled behind an ear on one side, in a cream cable knit sweater and dark jeans and Anduin remembered rather distinctly the other reason he had been reticent to return for the holidays: Varian looked very good in winter clothes and despite every part of him that reviled it, he couldn’t help but be desperately attracted to him. 

With a bright grin, Varian pulled him through the door and into a tight hug, holding him far longer than strictly necessary and maintaining contact by resting his hands at his waist when he pulled back to look at him. The fondness in his eyes made Anduin’s heart ache, and he had to look away before it got so bad he confessed his derangement and ruined everything. 

“The banisters look nice,” he commented softly, and for all it was meant as a distraction, that didn’t make it any less true. Varian had wrapped the railing of the stairs leading up to the second floor and the walkway above that bordered the entry in an L-shape with fake pine and small golden globe-lights and it really made the house look beautiful. 

Varian snorted, looking over his shoulder at them and then back at Anduin. “I’m glad you’re home, An, I missed you,” he said softly, leaning in to lay a kiss on Anduin’s temple and then his cheek, “Now, you go put your things away and I’ll have dinner ready for us to eat soon.” 

Giving his waist a final squeeze, Varian turned and headed past the staircase to where the walkway above created an arch through to the living room, and beyond it the kitchen. After watching him go for a moment, Anduin pulled his bags inside, closed and locked the door behind himself, and started bringing his things upstairs. As he reached the top of the stairs, he noticed that Varian had wrapped the bannister on the far side of the slim walkway, which opened down to the living room, with the fake pine and lights as well, and he was sure they gave a nice glow to the high-ceilinged room in the evening. 

His room was the nearer of the two that sat opposite the master bedroom that Varian occupied, and as he shuffled his things into it, he almost startled to see none of his things there and the whole room that bland, unlived-in approximation of a bedroom that guest rooms usually were. It made him sad in a way, but he also was glad to see that his father had taken him seriously when he’d said he was moving out for good. Putting his small suitcase down on the bureau and the heavy duffle bag he was carrying on the bed, he quickly put his clothes away in the drawers, unfolded his suit and hung it in the closet, reminded himself to ask his dad to borrow the clothes iron, and then opened the duffle and looked inside at the numerous colourfully-wrapped gifts he’d brought along as well as the nice bottle of wine for some dinner or other. It was unconventional, perhaps, to act like a guest and friend in his family home, but he wasn’t sure now how else to conduct himself. 

Picking out a couple of presents, the ones in boxes that wouldn’t make noise when shaken, and the bottle of wine, Anduin hid the rest of the duffle as carefully as possible and headed back downstairs. As he walked into the living room, the smell of one of Varian’s signature casseroles hit his nose and he smiled. His father was a good cook, even if he did so like a suburban white mom more than anything else, and if there was nothing else he’d missed while living away from home he certainly missed the warm, home-cooked meals and good wine Varian was so fond of serving. 

Anduin quickly and sneakily placed the two presents under the tree while Varian was busy taking the casserole out of the oven, admiring the decorations to the living room and the new fireplace screen that was much more tastefully christmas-themed than their old one, then headed up the two steps that separated the living room from the kitchen. He placed the wine down on the island and tried not to admire the tightness of Varian’s jeans as he leaned over to take something out of the fridge from a low shelf, and when Varian straightened and gave him a smile, he grinned back. 

“I must say I did really miss your cooking, dad,” he said, then slid the bottle of wine forward, “Not the nicest but I hope you appreciate the contribution.” 

Varian made an inquisitive sound, depositing the salad he’d grabbed from the fridge on the counter and coming over to the island to see what he’d brought. “This is nice, Anduin, thank you. I know you don’t think it’s fancy because it didn’t cost much but this winery has been one of my more recent favourites.” 

Anduin laughed a little awkwardly, unused to being praised for his taste — honestly he could hardly tell the difference between top shelf and $13 wine and couldn’t be bothered to learn. “Well, I’m glad it’s sufficient.”

“You brought it, it could be the cheapest swill in the world and it would be a treasured gift,” Varian replied with such sincere warmth in his eyes that Anduin thought he might melt, “It’s good to have you home, Anduin. Gods, I fucking missed you.” 

Flustered, and probably blushing, Anduin quickly ducked around the island to where Varian had left the bowl of salad and took the cling wrap off the top. “Does this need anything else? Want me to set the table?” 

Varian sighed, coming up behind Anduin and wrapping his arms around his shoulders and upper chest from behind and pulling him backwards into his bulk. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, An, I just… Tonight is when I’ve started my holiday celebrations alone these past four years and I suppose I’m feeling sappier than normal having you around.”

Anduin relaxed into his touch, glad not for the first time that his anatomy wasn’t such that his less-than-filial appreciation of Varian’s nearness and unfatherly level of physical affection would visibly show, and simply let himself be held. This was the closest he’d ever get to what he wanted, and even though it hurt it also made his chest fill with warmth. Maybe, just maybe, he’d be able to convince himself it was enough. 

“Isn’t today a little early to start Christmas?” he asked to try and distract himself from the closeness of the other man. 

“Ah, right,” Varian replied, pulling back and reaching around Anduin for the salad bowl, “I suppose I forgot to mention it… I’ve started celebrating the old ways as well, with you gone. It makes the house feel less empty.” 

Oh. Andiun couldn't help but be disappointed in his father, but at the same time he knew he had no right to judge when it was his absence that had instigated it. “Are you at least still going to church?” he asked, though it almost felt like begging. 

“I…” Varian sighed. “No, I’m not. I set up shrines in my room — well around the house actually but I’ve taken them to my room now that you’re visiting — and they bring me more comfort than mass ever did. I know you don’t approve but…” 

Anduin just shook his head. He had neither the right nor the heart to hate his father for this, and if anything living with Taelia and Vanessa had taught him to tolerate other religious beliefs in a way his high school self never could have. Turning to face Varian, he couldn’t help the way he cupped his cheek as he replied, “If it brings you comfort I can’t fault you for it, not really. I’m the one who left, it’s hardly my place to judge how you got through it.” 

After a moment of standing like that, Anduin snapped out of it and stepped away, heading to the cabinet with the tableware and taking out the right amount of each piece to set the table for two. Even as he did, he berated himself — what Varian evidently needed was Anduin’s love, and not this twisted and disgusting version of it that Anduin felt in place of filial affection. Nonetheless, Anduin couldn’t help himself from making it pseudo-romantic when he saw candles on the small kitchen dining table he was setting. That was too tempting an offer to refuse, really, and as he lit them he tried desperately not to be jealous of the fact that they had clearly already been lit a number of times before. 

Had his father started dating? Was there a woman in his life he liked to make little candlelit dinners for at the small family dining table where they had shared so many meals? Before his mind got too far away from him he heard a snort from behind him and turned to see Varian carrying the casserole to the table and chuckling. 

“I think they like you,” Varian said with a laugh still tracing his words, then at Anduin’s evident confusion clarified, “Those candles are for two of my gods, I left them out because they’re fairly innocuous but given the way the flames are dancing I think they like you. Why did you light them anyway?” 

Anduin looked at the white, green and red tapers arranged in a line with the white in the center and blushed, unsure how to describe both his desire to light them and his unfounded assumption that Varian had been sharing meals with someone romantically. “Oh, I guess I thought the candlelight would be nice is all,” he mumbled simply then, hoping to distract from the lameness of that excuse, added, “Which gods, if you don’t mind my asking?” 

“Tyr and Ull,” Varian replied, placing the casserole down and heading back to the island for the wine and salad, “They’re good to work with when you need strength and the perseverance to make a go of something alone.”

He spoke softly, as if he was admitting something silly or otherwise childish, but all the confession did was break Anduin’s heart. He’d left the man alone, refused to come home even on his school breaks, and it had taken returning to the pantheon he’d worshiped as a boy and begging the aid of gods who helped the solitary for him to find any comfort in that abandonment. Before he quite knew what had come over him, Anduin was saying a silent prayer to the candles’ gods, thanking them for keeping Varian safe. They flickered from stillness at his mental thanks, and Anduin tried to chalk it up to some sort of cross-breeze. 

“I’m sorry I left without much more than a word,” Anduin admitted softly, reaching across the small table to rest his fingers on Varian’s forearm once he was seated, “If I’d known it would hurt you so badly, if I’d known you would feel so alone… I never meant to hurt you, dad.” 

“I know you didn’t,” Varian replied with a sad smile, “And I never blamed you for leaving. I know I wasn’t the best and that I hurt you when you were younger, probably still hurt you now, but I’ve been working on it. I started going to therapy after you left when the drinking got really bad and—”

“Oh shit, should I not have brought wine?” Anduin interrupted, suddenly terrified he’d threatened his father’s sobriety. 

“No, no it’s fine! I still drink, just less and no hard liquor like I used to indulge in and that works well enough for me,” Varian explained, “My issue was more of using it as a crutch anyway. Now that I have better methods of coping, I don’t drink the way I used to, and therefore it isn’t such a problem. But anyway, my point was that I’m sorry I did you wrong and that I hurt you, and I’m working on myself so that I don’t do so again.” 

Anduin felt a lump forming in his throat — if only he was able to say the same, and yet for all he’d tried to quell it during his time away he’d failed to stop being utterly in love with his father. “I love you, dad, always. Even when it felt like every time we talked we fought and the things you said to me tore my heart out, I loved you. I’m sorry that I hurt you in return,” Anduin replied softly, then held his hand up to stop Varian from protesting, “Don’t say it isn’t true, I know what I said and did hurt you well before I left like I did. We’ve never exactly been good for each other.” 

“But we try, and we love each other, so I suppose that’s what counts,” Varian said in a tone somehow both relieved and resigned — perhaps they’d never have a healthy relationship, but at least they’d help lick each other’s wounds, “Thank you for coming home.” 

“I’m glad I did, I missed you.” And despite all of his hesitations to come out for the holidays, he found that the words were utterly and undeniably the truth. 

They served themselves wine and salad and casserole then, hefty portions of each as they both seemed to suddenly realize they were hungry, and though Anduin got the sense Varian had planned on discussing something else, once they started eating they didn’t seem to be able to stop. The salad was simple, greens and cucumber with a light vinaigrette, but the casserole was one of Varian’s best — fusilli carbonara with small prawns, shelled mussels and scallops, topped with a heavy layer of mozzarella and provolone with thin slices of tomato. It was decadent and rich, heavy enough to leave you pleasantly warm and full in the way where you could feel it sticking on the inside, and after Anduin had cleaned his plate he almost just wanted to head upstairs to bed and curl up like a snake. 

Instead of taking a nap, though, he finished his wine and helped Varian clean up. They wrapped the casserole and salad and put them in the fridge, scraped their plates clean and loaded them into the dishwasher, then Anduin shooed Varian off so that he could wash the pots that Varian had used to prepare everything before it went in the oven. When he was done, and everything was cleaned, dried and put away, he headed to where Varian was futzing with the fireplace screen in the living room and taking something out of a box. 

“What do you have there, dad?” he asked as he stepped down into the living room and joined Varian near the fireplace. 

“Hmm? Oh, it’s the remainder of last year’s Yule log, I’ll use it to start the fire this year,” Varian explained, sitting forward to place it in the hearth next to a heavy log that had already been placed there, “The log is made of holly, to represent the season, and I’ll keep it burning all night to keep the house safe for the coming year, a light and fire to guide us through the longest night.”

“That doesn’t exactly sound fire safe,” Anduin said, watching him light the old log and the flames spread up to to lick at the new and unburnt one. 

Varian laughed. “Not much about paganism is fire safe, to be honest with you. We just do our best and hope we don’t die.” With that, he pulled back and positioned the screen in front of the fireplace to at least catch most of the sparks and ash that would come off it. 

Anduin smiled, enjoying the growing warmth of the fire, but startled when he felt an arm around his shoulders as Varian pulled him closer to his chest. They cuddled there before the fire for a while, and Anduin tried to just enjoy the simple and non-romantic intimacy of the touch. Before long, his eyelids were drooping and Varian suggested he go up to bed and rest. Standing with a slight waver until Varian helped steady him, he gave the man a hug and headed to bed, getting ready quickly and managing for the first time in a while to fall asleep without too much tossing or turning. 

The next day came without issue (or a burned down house) and Anduin found himself settling into a comfortable pattern of helping Varian around the house, reading or playing games on his laptop while Varian tarried away in his office, and finalizing plans for the Christmas Eve party that would be coming up shortly. Over the two days leading up to it between Anduin’s arrival on the solstice and the big day itself, they finished decorating, figured out for sure what they would cook, and Anduin went on a last-minute grocery run to make sure everything was in place for the party. He hated shopping during the holidays, but he figured it was better than sending his dad in to terrorize some poor cashier because the name-brand pie shells were out of stock. He also managed to slowly add presents to the pile under the tree when Varian wasn’t looking, making sure to have them all down there before Christmas Eve.

As the 23rd came to a close, Anduin, finding it hard to fall asleep with all his nervous energy, realized he was more comfortable here than he had been in a long time, and wondered mildly what had caused that change. Perhaps it was that he was an adult now, or that he knew it would come to a close and that he was here by choice rather than necessity, but either way he felt happier now than he’d been in a while. Perhaps, just maybe, he’d missed Varian more than he’d first assumed, even if he could never have him the way he wanted him. When he did eventually fall asleep, it was with the memory of Varian’s warm arms wrapped around him at the forefront of his mind. 

  
  


Groggily, he woke and immediately wondered why when he noticed the room was still dark, meaning it was either the middle of the night or some ungodly hour of the morning before the sun had risen. Almost immediately his question was answered by Varian gently shaking him again. 

“An, it’s snowing, wake up!” he said with all the enthusiasm of a child on Christmas morning, and despite his irritation at being woken early for something so trivial, it was adorable enough he couldn’t really stay mad. 

“Ugh, dad, what time is it?” he asked, rubbing at one eye and trying to get a look at the clock on his bedside table. 

Varian just stood and pulled the curtains back to let in the dim glow of the streetlamps on the street out front and the various lights from their neighbors’ houses. “Early, but that doesn’t matter. Look!” he replied, pointing out the window to where snow was drifting lazily down from a dark sky, illuminated by the various neighborhood lights. 

Anduin pushed himself up in bed, letting the duvet pool around his waist and trying not to be over-aware of his partial nudity — he’d talked with his father some time into his transition about shirtlessness and they’d agreed that seeing as Anduin was a boy, being shirtless was no problem at all — and looked out the window as well. Try as he might to deny that he cared, the way the snow drifted down past bright lights and the warm yellow glow of the streetlamps was beautiful, truly, and it filled him with a sort of undeniable wonder that he couldn’t quell. Despite himself, he found he was smiling at the peaceful scene and enjoying the calmness of a perfect winter morning. 

As his attention started to wander, and the desire for coffee and breakfast kicked in, he looked back over to Varian who was watching him, or rather his chest, with a strange expression on his face. All at once, his peaceful joy plummeted into cold, hard dread in his stomach. Of course. Of course he’d fucked it up by getting too comfortable and making it weird. Of course he’d made his father awkward by not acting how he should around him, by acting like the boy he was despite not having the body to show for it. 

Self-consciously he pulled the blankets up to his armpits and turned away from Varian. “Sorry, I forgot I wasn’t wearing a shirt,” he mumbled, too terrified of his father’s discomfort or disgust to look at him.

“Don’t uh—” he said with a thick voice, then cleared his throat and continued, “Don’t worry about it, An. I should go make coffee, are you getting up?” 

Anduin restrained himself from scoffing.  _ Was he getting up?  _ He doubted his dread would let him fall back asleep if he begged on his hands and knees. “Yeah, I’ll be down soon. Just gotta get dressed.” 

“I’ll make enough for two, then,” Varian replied, then paused awkwardly as if he wanted to say something before leaving the room without a word.

Well, at least he didn’t get angry like Anduin had expected, so it went better than it could have, but even still Anduin couldn’t help but berate himself — how could he have forgotten that Varian had struggled with his transition at first, and was probably not fond of reminders that Anduin was originally his little girl.

With a shake of his head, Anduin dragged himself out of bed and put on some clothes for the day, including a binder that he hadn’t worn since first arriving and a very baggy hoodie just in case. He steeled himself before he went down, and was grateful when he finally managed to convince himself to leave his room that Varian had apparently already made it to his office to get work done before the party preparation started in earnest, leaving the kitchen and his morning empty. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Blessed Yule to you all, I hope your holidays are bright and warm and full of love! Thank you so much for reading and, as always, kudos and comments are much appreciated!


	2. Too Scared to Have No One to Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anduin and Varian set up and host the party, but nothing goes as planned for Anduin. When Christmas finally arrives, it seems like things might be okay, but Anduin still worries he'll mess it up somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for a dissociative episode and a lot of angst this chapter. Chapter title is from Birdy's "Deep End"

Mentally, Anduin was calculating how many bowls he would need for the various types of popcorn they were serving and whether they’d need two or three platters of fruit and cheese to sate Genn’s nibbling. Physically, he was walking back to the living room from the front door, and unfortunately, absolutely none of his brain space was paying attention to where  _ exactly _ he was walking. Well, until he smacked into something solid, that was, and nearly tumbled but for the strong arm around his waist. 

He looked up into Varian’s face and saw him smirking down with a cocked eyebrow. “What’s her name?” he joked, then amended at Anduin's silence, “Or his?” 

Anduin rolled his eyes. “I was thinking about how much dishware we’ll need to find for the party, not a boy,” he grumbled, hoping the fact that at least some part of his mind had been stuck on a certain man wasn’t obvious on his face.

“Hmm, that’s what they all say.” Varian tried for a serious expression, but the corner of his mouth ticked up in a suppressed grin, and Anduin couldn’t help but giggle, causing Varian himself to start laughing. 

“What were you doing here in the archway anyway?” he asked, unable to will himself to pull out of Varian’s hold. 

“Oh! Just setting up the mistletoe. Hopefully, I can get some people with it this year, I hid it a bit, see?” He pointed up right above them to where, indeed, a small bundle of mistletoe hung from the wall above the arch, just high enough that it wouldn’t be very visible until you were beneath it. 

His heart rabbitted in his throat. Mistletoe. Would it be wrong of him to take advantage and try to sneak a kiss as a joke? Would that strain a relationship already strained after his topless encounter earlier? His stomach knotted in worry and apprehension, but before he could think himself into a panic he felt a soft brush of lips against his forehead.

Looking up once again, he saw Varian looking at him sheepishly. “It's the tradition,” he explained simply, and with that soft concession Anduin made up his mind. 

With a small push up onto his toes and a hand rested on Varian’s chest, Anduin softly pressed their mouths together. For barely a breath, he lingered and savoured something he’d never get again, then started to pull away only to be stopped by the arm tightening around his waist and Varian leaning into the kiss. Their mouths pressed more firmly together, lips slotting against one another and a soft exhale of tension released as they gave into, well, something. One kiss. Another. Finally a third and Anduin quite despite himself made a soft noise of pleasure, a little breathy whine that, like a stone dropped on a fine layer of ice, shattered the peace of the moment in an instant. 

Before he could fully process what was happening, Varian had released him and stepped back against the wall, watching him with wide eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it with a frown before clearing his throat awkwardly and all by running into the entryway and up the stairs. Anduin watched with horror, fear, and self-hatred tearing his lungs to shreds. Fuck, it felt like he couldn’t breathe and the world around him spun. What had he done? Had he just ruined everything? 

A bitter laugh bubbled up from his chest followed immediately by a wrenching hiccup that quickly turned into a full blown sob. And so he knelt there, in the hallway beneath the mistletoe, mourning any hope he’d had of a normal relationship with his father. He’d gone and thrown away the thing he wanted more than anything just to placate the disgusting, abhorrent desires he harbored, and there was nothing now that would mend what he’d done. There on the floor, time didn’t seem to exist, but eventually, he heard the oven ding and knew he was going to have to take the biscuits out or they would burn and everyone at the party would realize what he’d done. 

Without really thinking about it, he dragged himself from the floor and took the biscuits out of the oven and put them on a cooling rack, then entirely on autopilot started setting up for the party again. He got the bowls they’d need out from storage and set up the kitchen and dining table, finished decorating the living room, showered, put on his suit and a smile, and attended a party all without even knowing who he was, what he was doing, or where he was going. It wasn’t until Tess pulled him aside and slapped him across the face that he even came somewhat back to himself. 

“Wha.. what was that for?” he asked, genuinely unsure if he’d done something to offend her.

“Are you  _ okay? _ ” She took him by the shoulders and shook him until his eyes focused on her face more clearly. “Anduin?” 

“I… I’m fine. Sorry.” He shrugged out of her hands and rubbed over his face, suddenly exhausted. “Did I do something wrong?” 

She shook her head and, without speaking, pulled him into a hug. “You scared me. I’ve never seen you look so empty before, I thought… I thought you might have taken something again.” 

Anduin grit his teeth at the reminder of his previous coping mechanisms, but knew that she wasn’t trying to bring up his past in order to berate him and shrugged off the lingering pain of that slip-up. He shook his head and tried to give her a smile. “I’m fine, Tess. I’m not doing that again, I promised you and I meant it.” 

Relaxing and drawing back to look at him, she gave him a playful and gentle punch on the shoulder. “Don’t scare me like that, Anduin. Even my  _ dad _ noticed there was something off with you, I’m just glad he didn’t make a big deal out of it. What happened?” 

“I’m not entirely sure but… I think I dissociated for a while. Is, er, is my dad seeming okay?” Logically, he knew that she wouldn’t know what had happened between them by him asking that question, but even still his heart jumped into his throat the minute the words left his lips.

“Yeah, he seemed fine. Why? Did something happen?” she asked, watching him in that way she did that made him feel like a book being read by a very astute researcher.

“No, no, I just worried that, without me able to keep tabs on him, something might have happened like it did last year,” he replied perhaps too quickly if the way Tess squinted at him was any indication, but it seemed an adequate enough answer and she finally let him go and stepped away. 

“That’s fair, and no, he didn’t do anything weird like he did last year, don’t worry. Come on, the party is already mostly done but I think my mum and dad wanted to say goodbye before we left,” she said, looping her arm through his and walking him back into the living room. 

As they entered, Genn looked up from an intense conversation with Valeera with what looked like relief on his face and immediately headed toward them. “There you are!” he said with a big grin that hid, almost, the concern in his eyes, “We were about to head out and I wanted to say goodbye to my favourite nephew before we left.” 

Anduin chuckled a little awkwardly and caught Tess’s teasing smile out of the corner of his eye — not that he minded, really, but it was a little strange to have the man he’d had a crush on for a while call him his nephew. Tess knew about the crush, he’d admitted it to her when he’d been wasted the Christmas before he headed off to college, and she’d never quite stopped mocking him for it even after he had told her he didn’t feel that way any longer. 

“It was good to see you, Genn, hopefully we can have a bit more interaction next year,” he replied, letting himself be pulled into a tight hug. 

“Is everything okay, Anduin?” Genn whispered into his hair as he hugged him, and Anduin's stomach churned at how many people seemed to care about him even if he was a disgusting creature entirely undeserving of it. 

“I’m fine, Genn. I promise,” he replied, pulling away from the hug.

Genn frowned a little but let it go. “Well, hopefully it won’t take an obligatory Christmas party for us to see you again, Anduin. Have a good holiday, my boy.” 

Anduin snorted at the old-timey phrasing but found himself smiling nonetheless. “Thanks, Genn, I’ll see you guys around. Just… maybe don’t come to the flat. That probably wouldn’t go over well.” 

“No, please do!” Valeera chimed in, coming up to them with a mischievous grin, “I would love to see how you get on with Vanessa.” 

“Ah,” Genn said with a tense smile, “Perhaps I’ll take you and Tess out for lunch sometime, Anduin.”

“I’d like that,” Anduin replied, directing him toward the door where Mia and Tess were waiting. “Drive safe, okay?” 

“Always.” 

With that, he gave each of the Greymanes another hug before sending them off and turning to find Valeera holding her coat as well. 

“Not going to stay and help clean up?” he asked, confused. Normally she hung around to tease Varian and enjoy the vague notion of family, but this time she seemed in a bit more of a rush to leave. 

“No, I… have other commitments. Plus, it seemed like you and Varian need to do some talking,” she replied with a knowing look. If there was anyone who could have figured out his real feelings for Varian it would have been Valeera, but if she had she didn’t seem to be treating him with the disgust he was due. 

“I see. Well, I hope you enjoy your holidays, Valeera.” He pulled her into a hug and opened the door for her.

“Same, An. Good luck.” And with that, she was walking down the path toward an old sedan with an orcish-looking woman sitting behind the wheel. She looked vaguely familiar, but Anduin couldn’t place where he knew her from. 

With a shrug, he closed the door and took in the silence of a house finally still after so much activity. He heard footsteps approach and opened his eyes in time to see his dad standing at the base of the stairs looking at him. 

“Are the Greymanes gone yet?” he asked, making Anduin smile. 

“Yeah, everyone’s left now.” He took in the relief on Varian’s face and chuckled. “What was Mia nagging you about this year?” 

Varian laughed, shaking his head. “Not Mia, actually. Genn kept giving me shit about something I’ve been meaning to do but haven’t gotten around to, not that I’m sure it’ll happen now anyway. But nevermind that, we should work on cleaning up if you want to get to mass on time.” 

_ Oh, right. Mass. _ He rolled his shoulders and nodded, heading into the living room with Cleaning Mode on in hopes that he would be able to get things done as quickly as possible and thus avoid the worst of the awkwardness of being alone with his father again after the kiss. Shedding the suit jacket so it remained mostly clean, he went about collecting bowls and dishes and glasses and dropping them off in the kitchen where Varian, dressed down to jeans and a t-shirt now that the guests had left, set about washing everything. Normally, they would share both duties and then go to mass together, but he’d had a feeling that Varian wouldn’t be joining him this year and he was okay with that, really, if for no other reason than he wasn’t sure being in a beautiful, candle-lit church with him would be any good for the stubbornly still-present crush living in his chest. 

They carried on in this fashion for a while, cleaning up like a well-oiled machine but for the small snark Varian gave him when he didn’t want to pick up a particularly sticky tray that had once held God-knew-what. 

“Priss,” Varian grumbled good-naturedly, nudging Anduin with an elbow. 

“Scrub,” he shot back with a smile.

“Is that the worst you can do?” Varian asked, grabbing the dish and raising an eyebrow at him. 

“No, but I don’t want to hurt your old man feelings,” he replied. 

Varian reached out to smack him jokingly but he danced out of the way just in time. “Not the shirt! This is my nice one!” he whined, then looked at the clock and froze, “Oh shit, I’m late I gotta go. Hey, you make sure you scrub that and all the other plates that had that toffee or caramel or whatever it was on them, I don't want to have to deal with rewashing your dishes tomorrow morning before cooking time. And make sure you get the glasses that I’m sure were left outside, they’ll crack if there’s liquid left in them overnight with the temperature fluctuation. Oh! I almost forgot! Make sure you take the bacon out of the freezer and prep the turkey roast so that it can marinade overnight and… why are you looking at me like that?” 

Varian had raised an eyebrow and was watching him with a vaguely amused smile, and Anduin couldn’t figure out why. “You’re just cute is all,” he replied with a shrug, then added in a grumble, “Almost as bad as a wife, though.”

Anduin blushed.  _ A wife? What? _ Before he could come up with a response, though, Varian was heading into the kitchen and avoiding eye contact, clearly uncomfortable with the comparison after the kiss they’d shared and trying to get away from what probably should have been an innocuous comment but for Anduin’s unnatural affection. Trying to keep his head on straight and not become engulfed in the depression again, he grabbed his jacket and headed out of the house without a word, knowing that nothing would make him feel better at that moment than confession and a nice, beautiful mass. 

He arrived at the church just in time to slip in line for confession, and, as always, laying himself bare before God for his misdeeds did make him feel better, if still guilty knowing that there was little he would be able to do to stop himself from feeling how he felt in the future. He found a fairly empty pew where he would be left mostly alone and settled down for mass, simply enjoying the beautiful ceremony and music. Midnight mass was always one of his favourites, though he knew he shouldn't really have them, and something about being surrounded by all those with the dedication or night-owlishness to stay up late to celebrate the very earliest transition into Christmas was a solace he’d sorely missed. 

When the mass came to a close, he stayed for a moment and prayed, practically begging God to give him some reprieve from his feelings, then quickly ushered himself out before Father Turalyon could tell him it was time to go home. He was distantly grateful for the fact that his dad had made him drive them to church so often if only because he needed to spend absolutely no mental energy remembering how to get home, and upon arriving barely managed to hang his suit up before collapsing on the bed and passing out from exhaustion. 

  
  


He awoke to the wafting smell of eggs and waffles and groaned as he dragged himself out of bed. Too tired to remember his self-conscious binding from the day before, he slipped on an old t-shirt and a pair of leggings before heading downstairs to get his morning fill of coffee and carbs. Varian’s whole face lit up once he entered the kitchen and Anduin couldn’t help the blush that coloured his cheeks because of it. 

“Morning dad,” he grumbled, grabbing a mug from the cupboard and dumping a spoonful of sugar in it before filling it full of rich, spiced coffee from the pot Varian had made. 

“Good morning, An. Merry Christmas,” Varian replied. He slid the two eggs he’d been frying onto a plate already stacked with waffles and held it out for him, “For you. Just in time, too, I was about to go wake you up.” 

Anduin hummed and took the plate, heading to the kitchen table. “Thanks. You could have eaten first though, you know how long it normally takes me to get up.” 

“Sure, but then I’d have to eat alone and…” Varian shrugged and went back to cooking, leaving the rest of the sentence unsaid. Not that he needed to say it, Anduin knew that it felt lonely and reminded him of the time that Anduin was gone, but even without the words themselves hanging in the air he couldn’t help but feel angry with himself once again for neglecting his father all these years. 

“I’m happy I came home this year,” he said quietly when Varian had finished making up his own plate and joined him at the table, “I didn’t realize how much I missed you until I was here.” 

“I’m glad you’re here, An.” Varian nudged his ankle with his foot making Anduin look up at him, and when their eyes met, a surge of memory from the day before rushed back — their lips pressed together, Varian’s arm around his waist, Varian running away — and Anduin looked away with shame. His father was only trying to be genuine and yet all Anduin could think of was the mistake he’d made out of misplaced lust. Disgusting.

Anduin tucked into his meal, then, and avoided eye contact; perhaps if he was avoidant enough Varian would drop the subject and let them finish their meal in silence. Luckily, Varian obeyed the unspoken request for no further words, but unluckily it came with a side of awkward silence and the burdening presence of an elephant in the room. By the time they’d both cleaned their plates, Anduin was quick to try and break the quiet even if he did so less than tactfully.

“I’ll clean up, why don’t you start looking at the gifts,” he mumbled as he stood from the table quickly, grabbing Varian’s plate before he could really reply and heading into the kitchen. 

It was some reprieve to let his mind quiet at the simple, repetitive task of scraping and rinsing plates for the dishwasher and washing the pans and wiping down the waffle iron, and he found himself calmer by the time he made his way to the living room to see Varian sitting on the floor by the tree. He looked beautiful in the glow of the tree's lights, but Anduin banished that thought for a moment in the face of distraction — he'd been so in need of caffeine earlier that he hadn't even noticed all the additional presents under the tree. Had his dad really gotten him all of that? It felt absurd, perhaps, but he also knew his dad well and it was very on-brand for him to go all out on Anduin's first Christmas home. 

Joining Varian on the floor, he gave him a shy smile as he picked out one of the presents he’d brought with him. “Here, open this one first,” he said, handing the package over to him. 

Varian accepted it, then picked one out in turn to hand to Anduin. Opening the wrapping paper carefully, he looked inside to see a beautifully embossed, leather-bound boxed set of Tolkein’s work — the very world and body of work he’d taken his name from. Swallowing down his emotions, he looked to Varian who was watching him carefully, not having even opened his own gift. 

“I’m glad you liked that still. I’d assumed, given you got your name from there but… well I did buy it for you four years ago so I’m relieved it’s still relevant to your interests,” Varian said sheepishly, then grabbed another gift, “Here this one is more recent, hopefully I got it right.”

Anduin accepted the new box, gently laying aside the boxed set, and once again carefully opened the tape and unwrapped the paper on the second gift. Inside the wrapping was more books, this time the limited edition, embossed versions of the two newest Dungeons and Dragons sourcebooks — the two he hadn’t been able to swing when they’d come out and been disappointed Tess hadn’t got for him like she’d said she would. Tears welled in his eyes again, the emotions roiling in his chest threatening to overwhelm him, but he swallowed them down and opened the next gift Varian placed in his hands. 

It became a pattern, Varian putting gift after gift in his lap and only opening his own when glared at, and with every new gift, the emotions in his chest grew closer and closer to overflowing like too much wine poured in a cup. Varian hadn’t just gotten gifts, he’d done research and asked people what Anduin would want and clearly worked really hard to make sure the gifts were exactly what he’d want without being what he already had. The exact Hero Forge minis he needed to fill out his set, a pair of gamer headphones in lavender with cat ears like he’d been lusting after, a statue of his favourite FFXIV NPC, novels he’d wanted and manga and comic books and… Only when droplets fell on the pink Razer keyboard with rainbow lights he’d been too cheap to buy for himself that matched the mouse he’d just finished unwrapping did he even realize he was crying.

He looked up through the blur to see Varian watching him worriedly, holding an unwrapped box with a few comfortable sweaters that Anduin had thought he might like in it in his lap. “Is everything okay, An? I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Anduin nodded. “I’m good,” he said thickly, tears audible in his voice, “It’s just… I’m really overwhelmed, is all. You got me so many nice things and I feel like I don’t deserve it after leaving you.” 

He tried to ignore how much like a wife he sounded rather than a son, and was relieved when Varian didn’t seem to notice at all. With a teary smile of his own, Varian pulled him into a hug and kissed the top of his head, then pulled away and looked irritatedly at his phone. With a sigh, he stood and gave an apologetic smile to Anduin.

“Sorry, this is work, I have to take it. I’ll give you a moment alone and then we can finish opening these things you got me okay?” he asked, eyes tense and nervous. 

Anduin frowned, unhappy that Varian seemed to think Anduin would deny him the ability to do what he needed to for work, but shook the feeling away. He probably was nervous about the call itself — it had to be serious if they were calling on Christmas — and put an easy smile on his face. “That’s no problem, dad, I know you wouldn’t take the call unless you had to.” 

“Of course. Oh, and one last gift before I go,” he said hurriedly, pocketing his still vibrating phone, “Here, open this.” 

With that, he left, and Anduin had to take deep breaths for a moment before he could even think of opening this final gift. He rubbed furiously at his eyes in hopes that punishing them would make the tears stop, but it didn’t seem to actually do much beyond the catharsis. He couldn’t believe he’d been crying at a handful of fan items for video games and animated series he liked, but here he was, and all because Varian had managed to be so damn thoughtful. Sure, he probably just asked Valeera and Tess what he was into of late, but even that, even him reaching out to his friends and researching the things he was interested in, made his heart ache in his chest and the gifts he’d gotten for him seem paltry in comparison. 

Finally, he got himself under control and opened up the final box Varian had asked him to before excusing himself, and when he unwrapped it only to find a smaller box inside he was confused. Opening the second box, his heart leaped into his throat at the sight of the red velvet ring box sitting within. He knew it wasn’t a ring, he  _ knew _ it couldn’t be, but if anything, that knowledge just made it hurt more as he lifted it out delicately with shaking hands and slowly popped it open. What he saw brought all of his fears and breaking heart to a stop by the power of pure confusion; inside there were two dog tags, one the legal registration and the other the decorative name piece, for an “Aslan.”

…  _ What?  _

Before confusion could fully overtake him, though, he heard a chuckle behind him and he turned to see Varian standing under the arch with a smile on his face. 

“You look confused. I suppose that’s warranted, so let me make some introductions.” He stepped aside to show a… box? With holes? Oh, it was a crate.  _ Wait. _

Sudden realization hit him and Anduin couldn’t stop the tears from once again filling his eyes. “You didn’t,” he whispered, watching as Varian carried the crate to the center of the living room delicately, “Dad, you didn’t.”

“I know the one thing I never let you have was a dog because I was so afraid I wouldn’t be able to care for both you and it, but now I’ve realized you’re not only capable of taking care of yourself, but others as well. I—” he paused and looked away as he settled on the floor with the crate, which was now noticeably whining and moving, “I would be honoured if you’d move back in with me, An, help me give this puppy a good home.” 

Oh, that was a  _ dirty _ move, but not one Anduin could fault him for if he was honest with himself. He knew Varian was more than capable of caring for a pet all by himself, and that even if he said no the pup would still have a loving home and good master, but that didn’t mean the concept of moving home and raising a dog together didn’t feel so very close to romantic in all the ways he needed to start borderline-sobbing again. 

“I’m… I’m not sure, I’d have to think about it,” he managed to get out between sobs as Varian let the pup out of her cage which led immediately to her bouncing around the room in a blur of golden fur before jumping up on his lap and putting her front paws on his chest. She licked his face with a whine, likely unsure why he was crying, and he couldn’t stop himself from scooping her up and holding her soft, fuzzy form. 

“You don’t have to make your mind up right now, I just wanted to ask if you’d come home more permanently. I miss you, An, so much, and if there’s anything that having you home for this brief stint has shown me it’s that I didn’t realize how lonely I was until you came back into my life,” Varian replied, voice soft and face earnest, and honestly it was too much to bear. 

“I’ll think about it,” he squeaked, then fled the room, puppy still in his arms, and didn’t stop moving until he was safely in his bedroom. 

Leaning his back against the door, he slid down until he was sitting there, pup in his lap, and just let himself sob. It was too much, way too much, to have Varian there practically proposing and giving him the one thing he’d been denied when he was younger and treating him like an adult and he was so overwhelmed and— 

_ Deep breath in, hold it, deep breath out. _ Anduin forced his eyes open and took in the room, letting the mysterious, calm voice in his head guid him.  _ Find six things that are blue. _ Not hard, half the room was blue, though when it next asked for five of pink he struggled a bit. By the time he’d counted down to one object that was green, he found himself calmed and more able to process, as well as grateful to his therapist for helping him develop reliable coping mechanisms. 

Aslan squirmed in his hold, and he loosened his grip until she was able to settle more comfortably on his lap and start to doze. The warmth of her resting so comfortably in his lap grounded him further and helped him concentrate on the dilemma at hand: should he stay or not? He loved his father but not in the way he should, and if the day before was any evidence, that would crop up as a problem again more than likely. However, he also was receiving this proposition  _ after  _ everything he’d done, which meant Varian had forgiven him and moved on. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad to live with him again, to be close to him all the time even if not quite in the way he wanted. But then his brain brought back how damn  _ good _ it had felt to kiss him, how blissful his lips had felt on his, the ecstasy of his arm around his waist, and he knew he would slip up again. 

But… was that the worst thing to do? If Varian had forgiven him once perhaps he’d forgive him again, and perhaps, like his crush on Genn, time and exposure would gentle his feelings into something more manageable and eventually wear them away. He would admit that, though he loved them, living with the girls in such a cramped apartment was quite a lot to handle, and his dad certainly was a better cook than all of them combined, including himself. He sighed. Then again, would Varian have reacted differently to the kiss if he’d known Anduin’s true feelings? Would it be different if he knew he was in love with him? And was it worth risking the worst for the sake of honesty like he so desperately wanted to? He doubted it, but that didn’t stop the incessant little voice in his head from saying he should be honest no matter what. 

It was an impossible situation, but at the very least, he had a puppy to hold and that was enough to keep him sane for a little while longer. Eventually, as he sat there stewing and worrying and, occasionally, crying, Aslan made up his mind about going back down for him by squirming out of his lap and barking until he let her out. Not trusting that she wouldn’t do her business inside unless he took her to the door himself, he guided her to the back door, gave her a pat on the head, and let her out to do what she needed to. When he turned it was to find Varian watching him from the kitchen in one of the sweaters he’d given him — a cable knit dark grey-blue that brought out his eyes really nicely — and seeing his gift already utilized and being loved made him tear up again. 

“I’m sorry for running away like that,” he said softly as he entered the kitchen, not specifying which running away he meant in hopes Varian would understand he meant all of them. 

“I know I can be a lot, I’ve never blamed you for needing time away,” Varian replied, putting down his knife and coming around the island to pull him into a hug. When Anduin tensed up, though, Varian added, “What’s wrong, An? You’ve been acting weird around me since you got here and I’m not sure why. Is it… is this about yesterday?”

“No! No, not… well I mean not exactly. I just don’t know how to tell you something I should have told you a long time ago and you being so kind to me is making it harder, is all.” He wasn’t sure why he was admitting that, not really, but he knew it had to be done eventually and like ripping a bandaid off, the longer he dragged this out the more it would hurt. 

“I’m in love with you.” 

For a moment his words were met by a blank stare from Varian before the man’s expression gentled. “And I love you too, An. Every child is a little bit in love with their parents and vice versa. That’s just natural.” 

Anduin squeezed his eyes shut in frustration. Damn his father for making this harder than it already was. “No, I… I mean I’m  _ in love _ with you, not the filial kind that you're talking about. More than that!” 

“Anduin, it’s alright. That’s fine. I love you too, we love each other, it’s completely normal to feel how you feel a—”

“ _ Te amo,” _ he finally grit out, interrupting him in a last-ditch effort to make him understand.

Varian, unfortunately, simply looked confused. “It’s  _ te quiero, _ actually.”

“No,” Anduin said firmly, “ _ Te amo. Realmente te amo. _ ”

Varian blinked. “Oh… you…” He looked away for a moment, confusion and conflictedness churning in his expression. 

Finally, his face settled into something more determined, more serious, than Anduin had seen in a long time and he prepared himself for the worst. But instead of the worst, instead of the yelling or disgust or hatred he expected, warm hands settled on his hips as Varian pulled him close to rest their foreheads together. “I love you so much, Anduin.  _ Te amo más que a nada en el mundo. _ ” 

Anduin’s head was spinning, his ears were ringing… had he imagined that? Surely not, but… but there was no way… Before he had time to fully spiral into disbelief, though he was distracted by the heat of Varian’s mouth on his, and then nothing else mattered. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Realmente te amo = I really love you (romantic connotation).  
> Te amo más que a nada en el mundo = I love you (romantic) more than anything in the world.
> 
> I really hope you liked this!! There will be an epilogue up hopefully tomorrow or the next day that shows the conclusion of everything and wraps it up (aka the porn chapter) but this was already so long I figured I'd separate that part into a different chapter. As always, kudos and comments mean the world!! 
> 
> Thanks for reading, and stay tuned for the last chapter!


	3. Epilogue (Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner is had and the rest of the presents opened. It's a lovely, cozy little evening in the Wrynn household, though certainly not without it's spice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaand the smut chapter is here! not as smutty as I wanted but I got tired so this is good enough. Hopefully everyone is doing well this holiday season and I really hope this is a satisfying end to this fic!

As Anduin piled a scoop of scalloped potatoes onto his plate, he nearly missed when Varian nudged his ankle with his foot. He met his eyes across the table and found so much heat there he had to look back down at his now mile-high plate of various Christmas dishes to distract himself from the  _ want _ that coursed through him at that look. God help him, he'd never wanted anyone the way he wanted Varian, and he’d certainly never been this close to someone who wanted him back just as badly. 

Taking a bite of turkey with stuffing and potatoes, he glanced up to catch Varian staring at his mouth as he licked the last of the sauce off the fork, and his gut clenched. He really wasn’t sure how he was going to get through dinner without putting something other than the food on his plate in his mouth because, at this point, his desire to get on his knees for Varian was growing nearly unbearable. In all fairness, Varian didn’t look like he was doing much better, so it was truly a miracle they were eating their dinner at all rather than each other. Well, a miracle and the fact that they’d eaten nothing since breakfast because the 40 minutes they’d spent making out in the kitchen hadn’t exactly been conducive to sneaking a light lunch before they started on the turkey. 

Just the thought of their kissing made his cheeks heat, and other parts of him if he was being entirely honest. It had been so good, so mind-wipingly, life-changingly good, and now he doubted that, even if he and Varian didn’t work out romantically, he’d ever find a man that could kiss him like that. He supposed that perhaps ‘kissing’ wasn’t quite the word for all but fucking with their clothes on, the memory of Varian’s hands under his shirt pinching at his nipples while he ground against him popping up and making him nearly choke on his wine. Meeting Varian’s eyes again, he got the distinct sense he was thinking of something similar. 

As their gazes met, Varian’s look speaking volumes enough it was like he was yelling aloud how badly he wanted to bend Anduin over the dinner table, Anduin struggled to keep eating and focus on his meal. And on they went like that, only saved by the fact that they were both starving and Varian’s cooking was honestly delicious. 

Eventually, they’d cleared their plates and Anduin took initiative in clearing the table and putting things away. They worked on sectioning off what they’d freeze, what they’d put aside for Christmas Shepherd’s Pie tomorrow, and what they’d be bringing out to the girls to harass them with how good a cook Varian was. It was a lot of work, but they had been working with just one another around for so many years now that despite the tension between them and the heavy fog of want that surrounded them, they managed to get it all done fairly quickly. 

Anduin was in the kitchen washing up the pots and pans when Varian returned from the garage where their chest freezer was and almost immediately tried to get his hands under Anduin’s shirt. 

“Hey! Excuse me, sir, I am washing dishes,” Anduin protested, trying to sound offended despite his giggles. 

“Mm, I can see that,” Varian growled into his neck, nipping the skin and taking a grip on his hips, “And you see the problem is that you look unfairly attractive doing it. You sure you don’t want to be my little house husband?” 

Anduin rolled his eyes. They’d talked about it while they cooked, how Anduin didn’t need to work right now and could take some time to just rest and recoup (and take care of the house) between finishing his Undergrad and going into his Masters. However, Anduin wasn’t as fond of the idea as Varian; not only did he want experience on his resume so that he could get a better job after he’d fully finished school, he honestly thought he’d go a little stir crazy just taking care of the home all day and not getting up to do a job he got paid for. 

“Quite sure, yes,” he said as he rinsed off the pan he was washing and set it aside to dry.

Varian, meanwhile, made no attempt at being subtle about feeling him up, pressing up against his back and sliding his hands up his shirt to fondle him. For all he tried to ignore the attention, even trying for irritation, the touch was so new and so wanted he couldn’t help but arch into his hands when he massaged the heavy flesh of his chest and pinched his nipples roughly. 

“That’s a shame, it would be so nice to come home to you cooking and cleaning for me,” Varian mumbled into his shoulder where he was teething now, “But I respect your wishes. If you prefer to work, I understand, and I’d never pressure you to do something you don’t want to.” 

“Thanks, dad,” he replied without thinking, but then froze in tandem with Varian. That particular… complication hadn’t been discussed yet, the fact that they were, indeed, father and son, and he supposed for all they’d both individually agonized and come to their own sorts of peace with it, it was different when it was said aloud. 

“Uh, yeah no problem,” Varian finally stuttered out, taking his hands out from under Anduin’s shirt and stepping away. 

Anduin sighed. Of course he’d messed it up the minute he finally got what he wanted in his sights. Maybe if he just changed the subject they could move on? Or would they need to address it immediately no matter what?

Turning to face Varian, he braced himself for a difficult conversation but when he took in the way Varian seemed to be doing the same something in him broke, and he found himself giggling uncontrollably. Varian looked confused, but no matter how Anduin’s brain raced to explain, he kept drawing a blank and resolved to simply shake his hands in a ‘don’t worry’ gesture in front of himself as he continued to laugh, which only seemed to result in Varian snorting. Not long after, Varian’s own seriousness seemed to break and he, too, dissolved into laughter and together they just stood there in the kitchen laughing over nothing and everything all at once. 

“Sorry,” he finally breathed, “Sorry, I just… I don’t know what came over me. I guess the pressure was just too much and I reacted, well, strangely.”

Varian’s laughing tapered off as well and he came forward, taking a hold of Anduin’s waist and resting there in his space. “It’s alright, I think that was some much-needed levity in all this. Perhaps… We do need to talk about it, though. We really need to talk about it, especially if you want to go any further than we did earlier. You know I love you like a father shouldn’t, and I know that your love of me is certainly less than filial, but it’s different outside of the bedroom, so to speak.” 

Anduin nodded. He was right, of course; it was different to think about their relationship’s changing nature when they were actively pressed together, kissing or flirting or otherwise being affectionate, as opposed to the rest of their everyday lives. When they weren’t actively doing romantic things, what did he call his dad? How did he treat him? Were they past him being ‘dad’ now, or was that still okay? 

He sighed. “I don’t know how to talk about this because I don’t know what to do about it,” he admitted, bringing a hand up to cup Varian’s cheek, “I want you, but I also love you beyond that, more than that.”

“I know what you mean. I love you in a way a father shouldn’t, perhaps, but I still love you more than anything. But…” Varian looked away sadly, seeming conflicted. “I feel in loving you as I do I have failed you as a father. I’m not sure I like the reminder of that failure now that I’ve fully given in to my desires.”

“Varian I—” he started but cut himself off when Varian wrinkled his nose, “You don’t like that either, eh? Would you prefer just a pet name? Darling?  _ Mi amor? Mi cielo?” _

Varian snorted and shook his head. “You’re being ridiculous, please don’t call me those things.”

Anduin thought for a moment. “Daddy?” 

With a choking noise, Varian turned his face away in a paltry attempt to hide his blush. Anduin grinned. 

“I’m done with the dishes, daddy, can we finish unwrapping the things I got for you now?” he asked sweetly, batting his eyelashes up at him just to watch the hunger that grew in his gaze. 

“Sure, An,” Varian grumbled, “And let the dog in, please, she’s been out for too long and I don’t want her to get too cold out in the snow without protection.”

He hummed and slipped from Varian’s grasp to open the back door and call for Aslan. As much as he knew it was simply an excuse to get him out of his hair for a moment, Aslan definitely being heavy-coated enough for the snow to be little bother, he would abide Varian’s need for space while he processed the new pet name Anduin had decided on. Honestly, it was kind of perfect — not only was it hot to him, but it was also a perfectly valid thing to call one’s father, and as such depending on the day and the state of their relationship, it could be interpreted and meant either platonically or romantically. He toweled Aslan dry when she bounded up to the door, resulting in a brief tug-of-war for the towel, then they headed inside together to join Varian in the living room. 

Varian looked up as they came in with a smile that was warm, but the mischief dancing in his eyes made Anduin vaguely cautious. “So I’ve been thinking, An, that if you’re going to be calling me a new nickname, perhaps I should come up with one for you as well.”

“Oh? And what are you thinking for this new name?” he asked, sitting on the couch and inviting Aslan to join him with a pat to the cushion beside him. 

“I’m thinking maybe I should start calling you kitten.” Varian purred the last word with a smirk and Anduin felt his cheeks heat to a blaze. 

Oh…  _ Oh. _ He really liked that. Unable to really form a reply, he simply nodded then motioned toward the gifts still under the tree in hopes Varian would get the message to carry on. With a chuckle, he did, and soon he was grabbing a box and opening up what turned out to be the nicest of the gifts Anduin had bought: a beautiful, handmade and all genuine material pair of indoor moccasins. Varian grinned, taking them out of the box and stroking over the fur cuffs and soft suede, then placed them back in the box and set it aside. He opened the rest of his gifts, mostly little things Anduin had thought he’d enjoy including a set of vintage Nat Geo magazines, a vinyl record from his favourite Big Band artist, and a pack of new ski socks to keep his feet warm when he went up skiing next. 

Finally, he took out the box Anduin had been both anticipating and dreading him opening, and Anduin sat forward on the couch to watch carefully as he tore through the wrapping paper and popped the tape of the box open. Varian looked confused for a moment upon getting the box open, then started to gently lift the heavy scarf out of the box, thumbing over the knit and material as if getting a feel for it. When he had it all out of the box, he noticed the little card inside and picked it up, looking it over with a strange expression on his face.

“This is the kind of card that comes with yarn,” Varian said simply, eyes questioning but not seeming willing to ask what he wanted to out loud. 

“Yeah, I uh, I made it. By hand,” Anduin replied in barely more than a whisper. He found he was oddly embarrassed about having handknit Varian a gift, though he wasn’t sure why. 

“Anduin that’s…” Varian swallowed thickly, looking up at him with so much love in his eyes Anduin thought he might burst. “Thank you, that’s so sweet, so thoughtful. I’ll wear it every day.” 

Even more embarrassed by his reaction, Anduin gave an awkward smile and stood. “I think Aslan wants back out,” he said.

Aslan, blessedly, seemed to understand at least the word “out” and was more than enthusiastic to go and play in the snow again, jumping around at his feet and running for the back door. He followed, thanking her mentally. Taking the time to gather himself on the way to the door and back, he found his feelings better processed by the time he joined Varian in the living room once more. 

“Sorry, daddy, I just got a little embarrassed about making a gift myself, I guess,” he admitted. 

Much to his relief, Varian just gave him a gentle smile as he folded the sweater he’d been wearing in his lap and laid it aside. “That’s alright, An, I understand. Handmade gifts, while precious, do tend to have that effect on the person gifting them. I’m not offended in the least, if anything I feel the opposite. I’m honoured you would spend the time to make something for me yourself.”

His eyes held so much love and warmth that Anduin wanted nothing more than to kiss him, and he realized, for the first time in his life, he was allowed. With a little smirk, he said, “You know, there is one last gift that you need to unwrap.”

“Oh?” Varian asked, looking under the tree where there were clearly no remaining gifts, “What is it?” 

Anduin walked over to him and slipped into his lap. “Me,” he replied with a grin and got an equally lascivious one in return. 

Varian made a sound deep in his chest as he took a grip on his hips, pulling him closer as he started to nip at his neck. “I’ll never get a more incredible gift than you, An.”

Despite the heat in his blood, Anduin could help but feel his lip wobble and his eyes tear up at his words — he was so sweet, so kind, and Anduin felt so infinitely blessed to finally be able to have him for himself. With a whine high in his throat, he ground down on Varian’s lap and clung to his shoulders, not sure what to do in return but to show him just how much of a gift he was as well, how much his love was cherished and more incredible than anything Anduin had ever had. 

“Daddy,” he whimpered, “Please? I thought you were going to unwrap me?” 

Varian chuckled. “I should chastise you for being impatient but I suppose that would be a little hypocritical,” he replied, grinding Anduin’s hips down so he could feel the growing harness in Varian’s sweatpants, “Fuck I want you so badly, kitten.” 

Anduin whined, hips jerking as his gut filled with heat, and then before he could even get his hand between them to get a feeling for how big Varian actually was, he was on his back on the floor with Varian hovering over him. Varian wasted no time on ceremony in practically ripping Anduin’s leggings and underwear off, so much so that distantly Anduin wondered if he’d need to do repairs to the garments, but then Varian was gripping his inner thighs and pushing them apart to make room for his head between them and whether his leggings were okay was really of little consequence. 

“Oh fuck,” he groaned as Varian’s mouth descended onto him, tongue lapping through his folds and dipping into his entrance. 

Varian made a sound in response, a deep noise in his chest that Anduin could  _ feel _ , but he seemed unwilling to pull away long enough to actually say any words. He brought his hands lower on his legs until they were far enough down to spread Anduin’s cunt open with his thumbs, and once he did he started fucking into him with his tongue in earnest. God, it was good, so damn good, and he was shaking and squirming from it within moments. 

Just as he started to think he wasn’t going to be able to come just from that singular stimulation, Varian changed his angle slightly, curling his tongue just so to hit that one spot inside him that sent sparks up his spine, and then he was crying out and clenching hard as he came. His ears rang and he briefly lost most of his senses except for those honed in on where Varian was pleasuring him, but as he came back into his body the first thing he noticed was the cracking of the fireplace. He hadn’t even realized that Varian had lit a fire until that moment, but now that he heard it he couldn’t help but smile at the image they must be painting, him laid out half-naked next to the brightly lit tree and blazing hearth. 

Looking down his body, he saw Varian watching him carefully from between his thighs, and watched as the man withdrew his tongue from inside him only to lick and thick stripe up his cunt to flick over his clit. Anduin jerked at the new touch to somewhere very sensitive on his body, and then mewled when he felt two fingers prodding at his entrance before sliding inside easily. He let his head fall back and stared at the ceiling, fingernails digging into the carpet, as Varian started to pick up the pace once more, gingerly sucking at his clit while fingering him roughly. 

He whined, bucking and shaking from just how perfectly Varian was managing to touch him. “Daddy! Daddy, oh fuck, please? Please, I want you inside me…” 

The words weren’t really planned, more an accidental slip than anything, but if the way Varian moaned against him and his whole body trembled was any indication, he wasn’t alone in his desires. He started working him over harder, fingering him with three fingers now at just the right angle to slam into his g-spot with each thrust of his hand while sucking and licking over his clit just so, and before Anduin had even fully mentally recovered from his first, Varian brought him to a second orgasm. With a loud cry, Anduin came, body trembling and legs kicking and back arched so high it felt like it might just snap, and it wasn’t until his whole being, body and soul, stopped buzzing with the effects of it that he realized Varian had pulled away. 

When he cracked his eyes open it took him a moment to focus on Varian, but when his eyes finally cooperated he realized why he’d pulled back: he was practically drenched from the base of his neck down over his pecks in fluid. Anduin had squirted, something that had only happened once before and that he’d assumed wouldn’t happen again, and he covered his face in embarrassment. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whimpered, feeling terrible for probably having ruined Varian’s t-shirt, but a hand on his wrist guided him away from covering his face and he saw not cruelty or kindness but pure, unabashed heat on Varian’s face. 

“Don’t apologize, kitten, that’s the hottest thing I’ve seen in my fucking life,” Varian growled, “Now you just sit tight and I’m gonna get a towel to put down so I don’t have to bust out the carpet cleaner, okay?” 

Anduin’s face felt like it was on fire, but he managed to nod and force a weak smile to appease the man before he went off in search of a towel. He returned not long after with a massive beach towel that they’d used for every outing or picnic, helping Anduin off the floor so that he could spread it out near the hearth where the fire would keep them warm even if they were both nude. Not that their activities wouldn’t keep them warm as well, but he figured the come-down would suck if they weren’t close to a direct source of heat. 

Varian grinned at him, guiding him onto the towel and taking off his top to get a hand on his breasts while his other hand slid down between his legs to play with him. Anduin groaned at the stimulation to his nipple and clit, but caught Varian’s hands and pulled them away. It was good, and he enjoyed the feeling, but he wanted something else at the moment. 

“My turn,” he said before Varian could really start worrying, then stepped into his space and started to help the man out of his shirt. 

“I don’t think my nipples are as sensitive as yours so I don’t know what—” Varian started but cut himself off when Anduin got his hand on his cock through his sweats.

“I want you in my mouth, daddy,” he whispered like it was a secret, and hated the fact that he not only clenched at his own words, but could feel slick running down his thigh in reaction to how badly he wanted this. Of all the fantasies he’d had over the years, getting Varian’s cock between his lips was probably the most prominent. 

He dropped to his knees and pulled the waistband of his sweats down only to freeze. Varian was huge, and honestly, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to fit him in his mouth. It wasn’t so much the length — he didn’t look any longer than the toys Anduin enjoyed playing with — but he was wider than anything he’d put inside him before by a not insubstantial amount and, strangely, that only made him want it more. It would be a tight fit, it would likely even hurt, but that only meant he’d be feeling it tomorrow. 

Groaning, he damped his lips with spit and slid them over the slit of his cock before moving to put the head in his mouth. Even with his mouth open as wide as it could be, he barely managed to squeeze it in and the way he squirmed and rubbed his thighs together was no put-on act — this was doing it for him, so much, though he couldn’t really understand how or why. 

He sucked the head as best he could despite how wide his mouth was stretched, then drew back to drool over his length and pressed kitten licks to the underside of the head while he got his hands around him. It took both his hands to fully encompass his length, and he pumped him with both of them together while he licked and mouthed and occasionally sucked on the head, and Varian was trembling with the visible effort of not thrusting into his mouth. He groaned from Anduin’s efforts, hips making small movements that seemed beyond his control, and he gently combed through Anduin’s hair as he worked. 

It didn’t take long for his arms to get sore, his jaw cramping as well from being open so wide and the muscles under his tongue tired from all his licking, and he pulled away panting and a little disappointed with himself only to catch Varian’s eyes, and grin. Varian looked wrecked, like a starving man seated at a feast of food he couldn’t eat, and his pupils were blown so wide Anduin was impressed by his self-control in keeping his hips and hands in check. With a few final pumps of his cock, Anduin got the thing he’d wanted; precum beaded at the tip of Varian’s cock and Anduin licked it up with a moan. 

Having gotten his taste of him, Anduin pulled away and shifted until he was lying back with his legs spread. “I think I’d like you really inside me now,” he whined, reaching a hand down to spread his cunt and show it off to Varian, “Are you ready to take me, daddy?” 

Varian whimpered, almost seeming pained by his want, but then he was falling to his knees and dragging Anduin by the thighs down the towel until he was close enough to fuck. He slid three fingers into him, scissoring them to make sure he was loose enough, then pulled them out and spread the slick over his cock with a groan. Anduin mewled as Varian rubbed his cock over his clit, and he took a tight grip of the towel beneath himself in hopes of finding something grounding as Varian started to push inside. It was a snug fit, Varian’s cock thicker than anything Anduin had taken before, but the only thing on his mind was the fact that this was something he'd still be feeling long after they were done tonight.

Varian slowly pressed inside, making a soft sound when the head popped inside and then a long, punched-out groan when Anduin clenched down on him instinctually. God above, he was huge, the feeling so much more visceral in his cunt than it had been in his mouth, and Anduin felt like he would tremble into dust in Varian’s hands as he stuffed him full of more and more of his cock. It was so damn good and if the way Varian gripped his thighs tight enough to bruise was any indication, he wasn't the only one losing his mind for it. By the time he was fully seated, they were both trembling and somehow Anduin knew this wasn't going to last long. 

He drew back slowly, seemed to steel himself, then slammed back in hard enough to push Anduin back on the blanket. Anduin yowled, back arching and fingers scrabbling, and his breathing pitched into a panting whine when Varian changed his grip on one side to his waist rather than his thigh and started to plow into him with unrestrained vigor. 

"Daddy!" he cried, mewls and moans falling from his lips with every thrust and eyes squeezed shut as if that would make the overwhelming nature of their fucking any easier to bear.

Varian groaned, gripping him tighter and thrusting harder. "Fuck, kitten, you feel so damn fucking good. Just wanna come in you, baby, knock my little kitten up huh? You want that baby?" 

With quivering thighs and a pitched scream, Anduin came once more, fluid squirting from him and all over Varian's torso. He hadn't ever thought of impregnation as something he was into, not ever having thought much about children or anything of the sort with his past partners, but with Varian… with Varian, he couldn't help but wonder how much those words were dirty talk, and how much they were what he really wanted. As he laid there trembling, body recovering from such a mind-blowing orgasm, Varian was only speeding up, thrusting faster and harder as he worked himself up.

Not long after, as the pleasure started to edge into oversensitivity, Varian finally came, hips jerking and grip shaking as he filled Anduin full of pump after pump of his seed. Distantly, Anduin was grateful for his IUD, knowing how terribly Plan B made him feel, but really his mind was mostly focused on how absurdly  _ hot _ it was to feel Varian’s hips stutter inside him, to feel his grip tighten and cock twitch as he came in him. Fuck it was good, a kink he hadn't even realized he had making him shake and wish he had the energy to come again. 

Eventually, they'd both come down enough to pull apart, and as Varian slid his softening cock out of him, Anduin hissed as the pain of such a wide stretch finally registered. Varian collapsed beside him and instantly they were rearranging themselves to lie together with Anduin draped on his chest. As Varian combed through his hair, he smiled, turning to look up at him sleepily.

"Thank you, daddy," he mumbled, nuzzling into his chest and basking in his nearness.

Varian hummed, combing through his hair with his fingers. "What for, kitten? I should be thanking you, you're the one who got us here by being far braver than I could have dreamed of being."

"Thank you for treating me so good, for not making me feel embarrassed about how my body works, how I come." He trailed his fingers through Varian's chest hair in a mindless pattern. "You make me feel like a precious thing, something to be treasured, and I've never felt so appreciated in bed before. I never thought of children until I was with you." 

With a growl in his throat, Varian gripped him tight. "If you ever introduce me to any of the little boys you've fucked that have you so convinced you're anything less than divine I will personally see to their re-education via their faces between pavement and the bottom of my boot."

Anduin shuddered. Not only was his protectiveness lighting a fire in his belly, but knowing that Varian was so enamored with him that he thought him  _ divine _ was truly something else. He shifted around until he could get an elbow under himself, then pushed himself up to look Varian in the eye properly.

" _ Te amo," _ he told him once more, "More than anything, more than life or air. You're my whole world, daddy, and I wouldn't have it any different."

Varian pushed up to kiss him, then flopped back down to smile up at him with such a giddy fondness Anduin almost found it contagious. "You're my whole life, An, and I love you so much. So, so damn much.  _ Te amo, mi cielo. _ "

Anduin giggled and went back to curling on his chest, warmed by the heat of his lover and the fire and more at peace than he had been in years. "Were you serious? About getting me pregnant?"

"Not until you graduate," Varian said, a bit of that dad-authority creeping into his voice, "But yes, I am serious. It would be complicated, of course, and would probably need to be a secret, but I would like to start a family with you when you're ready."

Anduin hummed, not sure he had anything to add to that, and soon found himself lulled to sleep by the heavy warmth that filled him and the softness of Varian beneath him and the peace that had sunken into his soul. He was happy, deeply and truly, and there was nothing he wanted more at the moment than to fall asleep happy for the first time since childhood. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking around for this ride! Hope you enjoyed this chapter and fic!! As always, kudos and comments are appreciated, and have a safe and happy rest of your holidays!


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